• Mashup Score: 83

    FITCHBURG, MA—Pointing out the shocking contradiction they had been presented with, sources reported Tuesday that the guy over there with the really huge head wasn’t even smart. “You’d think a dome that big would be filled with a ton of brains, but nope,” 34-year-old Massachusetts resident Caleb Palmer told reporters,…

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  • Mashup Score: 148

    FAIRFAX, VA—What started as a tickle in someone’s nose reportedly ended in bloodshed Tuesday after a loud sneeze startled a meeting of the National Rifle Association and left 138 people dead. “It is with a heavy heart that we tell you more than a hundred lives were lost today when an errant sneeze caused a roomful of…

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  • Mashup Score: 1692

    SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming the Meta CEO violated his intellectual property rights, Elon Musk filed a lawsuit against Mark Zuckerberg Friday for being better at profiting off someone else’s idea. “He clearly violated the law by copying my idea of taking another person’s idea, but making way more money off it than I would…

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    • RT @TheOnion: Elon Musk Sues Mark Zuckerberg For Being Better At Profiting Off Someone Else’s Idea https://t.co/bOLITwr7mW https://t.co/EEp…

  • Mashup Score: 1947

    CAMBRIDGE, MA—In the wake of the 6-3 Supreme Court decision ending affirmative action, Harvard University announced Thursday that they would admit their first white student. “After nearly four centuries in existence, we are finally able to leave behind our woeful legacy of discrimination and accept our first student…

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    • RT @TheOnion: Harvard Admits First White Student https://t.co/Hfio2cekEy https://t.co/rwrVe4Tbmf

  • Mashup Score: 1

    CAMBRIDGE, MA—In the wake of the 6-3 Supreme Court decision ending affirmative action, Harvard University announced Thursday that they would admit their first white student. “After nearly four centuries in existence, we are finally able to leave behind our woeful legacy of discrimination and accept our first student…

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    • Harvard Admits First White Student https://t.co/009KT98jGX

  • Mashup Score: 176

    CAMBRIDGE, MA—In the wake of the 6-3 Supreme Court decision ending affirmative action, Harvard University announced Thursday that they would admit their first white student. “After nearly four centuries in existence, we are finally able to leave behind our woeful legacy of discrimination and accept our first student…

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    • RT @ElieNYC: They're killing it https://t.co/OhYYzwSX0D

  • Mashup Score: 526

    CAMBRIDGE, MA—In the wake of the 6-3 Supreme Court decision ending affirmative action, Harvard University announced Thursday that they would admit their first white student. “After nearly four centuries in existence, we are finally able to leave behind our woeful legacy of discrimination and accept our first student…

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    • RT @TheOnion: Harvard Admits First White Student https://t.co/Hfio2cekEy https://t.co/rwrVe4Tbmf

  • Mashup Score: 18

    READING, PA—Struggling to control their urge to gawk at her enormous pair, passersby on Friday reportedly couldn’t help but stare at a woman’s huge kids. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve never seen a set like those before,” said local filing clerk Ted Kilgariff, adding that there was no way not to notice a woman…

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    • RT @TheOnion: Passersby Can’t Help But Stare At Woman’s Huge Kids https://t.co/RYqAaoSDQL https://t.co/SG1dUumw1E

  • Mashup Score: 5677

    WASHINGTON—Analyzing the mistakes OceanGate made that led to the vessel’s disappearance, critics told reporters Thursday that the submersible should have been tested with poorer passengers first. “The company skipped the very crucial step of sending five lower-class people to the bottom of the ocean to make sure it…

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    • RT @TheOnion: Critics Say Submersible Should’ve Been Tested With Poorer Passengers First https://t.co/9R0nIy0MpM https://t.co/QEAIflQsAx