EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive hazing scandal meant the school was finally getting serious about football. “When I…
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America’s finest news source.
While police are well trained to shoot unarmed civilians, plant evidence, and file for overtime, dealing with larger-scale events like arresting several hundred college students…
ITHACA, NY—In a shocking revelation that left the entire ornithological community reeling, Cornell University scientists reportedly discovered Tuesday that birds had lied about being related…
AUSTIN, TX—A star who has experienced a meteoric rise in right-wing circles, 28-year-old conservative phenom Mason Finley is known solely for wearing a Nazi armband…
Dozens of Israeli protesters are currently blocking food trucks from entering Gaza, where 2 million people are on the verge of famine. The Onion examines…
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America’s finest news source.
GAZA CITY, GAZA—The complicity of each and every Palestinian in the violent actions of their militant ruling authority was reportedly on full display Friday morning…
Americans across the country primarily rely on higher education to learn that they are dumb and broke. The Onion examines the most popular college major…
BOSTON—Abandoning its most sacred duty to defend the sight organ from dust and other ocular irritants, a traitorous eyelash got into the eye of local…
Free speech absolutists staunchly believe that Americans should be able to voice any opinion they want, except those that make them angry. The Onion asked…
